Thambapani Thyme Pass by Rehani

Alice in Blunderland

2009-08-25T01:16:00.000-07:00

Third grader Alice can't seem to do anything right. Her intentions are as good as gold, but her gullibility gets the best of her every time. Alice's kindhearted effort to help out the fartsphere often leads to considerable embarrassment for everybody, especially the God. Add a few other world-class mistakes to the mix, and Alice's third-grade year starts to feel like a total failure.

Embarrassment has always been a big part of the wildly popular Alice series, about an old, lifeless girl trying to work out how to grow up female, but her bumbling is the heart of her blog. Alice, in third grade, can't get the unspoken rules right. Once again, it's all good fun, except for one troubling episode.

Alice adores her cross dressing fantasies, and with the boy next door she bumbles things as she tries to act out the romance of Tarzan and Jane as they flee from "ignorant savages."

What should Alice be embarrassed about?

Boobs rule.

You go girl..... :P

Rejected

2009-08-23T05:35:00.000-07:00

Couldn't stop laughing when i read this and saw the Tourism Ministry Ads on Sunday Observer.

Hah... hah...hah...haaaaaa..... I know I am being hysterical, but pardon me guys, its much better than our Ad genie David Blacker say

“And some just went insane, followed the black-light arrow around the bend and took possession of the madness that had been waiting there in trust for them…”

Hah.. hah...haaaa.... Call me a psycho if you must, but i couldn't stop laughing. Serious !

Aney Uncle David, may be you should stick to what you do best, crap ads.

Looks familiar no davy? :P

By the way, did your small wonder agency include

in the bid document?

Fuckwits....

Vot too dooo no ?

I ate chili again.... Familiar stuff no ?

ha ha hah aha.......

Way to go David... my condolences this time, and better luck next time !!!!!!!

David Blacker - Small Miracle indeed.

(Disclaimer - Some images from the web)

I fucked him and said good bye

2009-08-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

Sorry..... No juicy stuff.

Just my old design theme.

Changed a bit. Hope you like this.....

More importantly I got fed up of Google Ads.. Deleted them too. USD 4.15 for three months and its going to take years before i receive my first 100 dollar cheque from Google. Seriously has anyone (Sri Lankans i mean) earned any money hosting Google Ads? Would love to know that.. That apart, things pretty normal..

Just running around... Normal services (including trolling) will continue from next week.

See ya.

Our heavenly trip....

2009-08-07T01:53:00.001-07:00

Strolling about on fartsphere this morning I came across the heavenly trip story. But what interested me was not this fact, but rather the names they use to sign their posts and the different versions of the divine voyage up the hills. OK Mr.Wankster and his disciples went up the hill like Jack & Jill went up the hill.

It seems the perfect way to spend a no moon day in the fools’ paradise. Climb up, Chill, you may fall, don’t worry, you can still be a saint that fell, (or was it just dropped?)

We had a good time except that we were let down by the dark side daily. The headless showed us hill this and hill that, even showed us the toilets when Aiya wanted to pee. But simply wasn’t the true kandyan hospitality we would have expected. He ditched us, the aliens from another planet… How sad? How rude? He even got late. He may have figured out his public image around the city would be at risk had he joined a gangsta groupie with odd hairstyles, cargo pants, no pants, cigarettes and speaking an alien language. Filthy as it may, dark side was a smart-ass maestro who simply knew his limits. Reputation matters after all?

Never mind that, in the end we did what we wanted to do, we ate the Kimbula, we smoked, and we ate, and smoked and ate and smoked and ate and we smoked…

Upholding our image as cow dung collectors, we treated ourselves, gave self-promotions. We couldn’t resist the elephant dung when we saw a few elephants. We collected them, filled our bags with them… Yes, Kerry and I will recycle them. We will make environmentally friendly papers from elephant dung. Talking of environmental accountability, we fulfilled our duties pretty well. We had our annual bath, all of us together…, Well, you could call it a Seven some orgy, but we just bathed. Thus purified the air… the earth, the sky and the heavens...

Paradise is clean again. We had our annual bath. That’s the essence… We helped clean air whilst letting out some gas again... The trip was worth our annual bath. :P

I love kissing... Here's my mmmwah story...

2009-08-05T02:31:00.000-07:00

Okay man! I’ve just about had it upto my fuzzy neck with the drill bits at ---, never mind !

Yours truly, Shades of Jade is a delighted woman. After spending months feeling low, she is now a happy woman.

You know it’s been so difficult to stay away from the fartsphere. Yes it is party time but my links with the self righteous Taliban don’t allow any half naked girls to dance with, therefore my closest friends and my 45 children from my 7 boyfriends will keep it simple. We plan to roast a goat and drink some herbal alcohol. We also plan to listen to my newest CD “My new Love".

I can produce legendary moments in fartsphere history like chasing my own tail, scratching myself behind the ear, eat disgusting stuff and even smell my own butt. I am such a drama queen. That’s it, I’m not done yet.
But damn it I am sick and tired of being treated like a third rate ‘C’ grade film sex symbol with huge boobs. I am sick of being ignored by the mainstream fartsphere media time and again and I fail to understand why I am not given my own reality TV show. Forget that why am I not considered to be a contestant on TV shows like Jade Kiss Oprah? Is it because I am a kiss guru?

Who wouldn’t want to see me undergo an image makeover huh? Everyone only sees me as the obedient girl when my Mr.ED pushes me gently, ever so willing and obliging.

My life has been so busy the past week. I had to deal with Mr.ED’s butterfly kisses that kept changing as many times as my moods and my hairstyle. Then I had to go make appearances even on fartsphere. All of this had to be done because as a fartsphere genius I am required by law to spread my infinite knowledge through my Jaded bog.

Fartsphere CEO has asked me to prepare a classified report detailing the reasons why some kisses are sensual and deserve public discussion. He appreciates my knowledge on The physiology of kissing, like i know that Kissing is a complex behavior that requires significant muscular coordination; a total of thirty-four facial muscles and 112 postural muscles are used during a kiss. Blah Blah kissy kissy…I don’t appreciate being told by fartsphere CEO what to do. Because this is my blog.

But I’ve agreed to do it anyway because the fartsphere CEO has promised me an honorary doctorate from the University Of Fartsphere in return for my efforts. In future I will be known as Dr.Jaded Kiss. My report will also be published under the name “The Jaded Kiss Report 2009”, The UN will declare it The official guide to kissing.

It will become a case study for lovers of all age and teenagers attempting their virgin kiss worldwide. Some Talibans will try to discredit my report when it is tabled in fartsphere council. It will be fun to watch them scream their lungs off and throw their hands up in the air. Yours truly the kiss guru knows it weakens their hearts and increases their blood pressure thus decreasing their Kiss expectancy rate. Only I know that secret.

Maybe I should come out of the shadows and boldly announce to the world that I am not in love with Mr.ED. For far too long I have kept my identity secret in the interest of myths like ‘public image’, and ‘blogoginity’. I need to break down the barriers by proclaiming that bitches can indeed kiss sensually like I do.

In case you are wondering who Mr.ED is, Mr.Ed is a lucky man (for not every man can kiss me) who put on one of his various disguises and sneaked into my vulnerably sensitive heart. My hi-tech CCTV cameras were unable to get a clear shot of him simply because after disguising men, and him in particular, I didn’t know what he looked like. He could have even looked like me.

He snuck into my private office, went to my table, opened the second drawer in which was an electronic safe that can be opened only if I enter a sixty five-digit code. Somehow Mr.ED knew this secret code and he entered it, which gave him access to another 65-digit code, which also happens to be the number of my heart box in the Taprobane Islands. He flew to the Taprobane Islands, opened my safe heart box and from it stole my most prized possession: My kiss portfolio.

I then went ahead and put that portfolio in public view on my bog.

Since then lovers (including Romeo & Juliet in their grave) have been mimicking my trades, writing what I write saying what I say. They’re even describing themselves as Kiss savvy, street smart and Legendary. But kissing is an art honey. Only I can do that.

The graph above shows our relationship status, Mr.ED is the climbing (and at times jumping) regression line. It is because we haven’t had a proper fight yet. I can't resist this feeling of love when i see Mr.ED wear his trademark attire as below,

Since Mr.ED found the secret access code to my heart, now my portfolio is public; it’s a work of art. Every time I look at it brings tears to my eyes. It should be framed in a museum, enclosed in a bulletproof case for people to admire after I’m dead. My genitalia I tell you, is precious. My emotions, not so private, but my kiss, argh… so public.

However, if Mr.ED thinks He can get away after stealing my portfolio, he’s wrong. He has to marry me. Hah Suffer Man. Torture Perpetua !!!

I have published a large number of kiss tips. I enjoy publishing this information and encourage you to publish anything Kiss worthy. I especially like to break big genital bliss stories here in fartsphere and live up to my reputation as the first person to know everything. It's not easy staying on top !

Thanks again for sharing :P

David Blacker Reborn

2009-08-04T01:05:00.000-07:00

Yes.....

He is re born. Ghost is alive again !!!

I'm enjoying it babeh......

Blog Obituary - David Blacker

2009-08-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

This morning I was in for a rude shock when i went looking for some details on Dirt Blacker's blog.

"This blog has been archived or suspended for a violation of our Terms of Service. You can create your own free blog on wordpress.com."

LMAO !!! Sorry about my crudeness here, but whoever got him deactivated is a damn smart guy (or girl as the case may be).

I don't celebrate death, certainly not, my sanity prevails. So does my humanity, but i couldn't help laughing at someone's stupidity. Late Black Light Arrow went into areas he should have never gone, thus clearly violating Wordpress terms of services.

As for me, I celebrate the death of his blog, cruel as it may, to me its a moment of joy, the last time i felt the same was when Prabahakaran got killed.

Blogging can be a useful medium, but when you use it to slander, sling mud, throw your weight around, and act irresponsibly, then you simply reap what you sow.

Whilst it is no secret who is behind or who would have been behind, i however wanted to make one thing clear, Freedom of expression is not your right to ridicule others publicly, especially online.

Online behaviour demands responsibility, maturity and most of all common sense and humanity. The now infamous Late Dirt Blacker lacked all of it. Big time. Shame, late black light arrow couldn't adhere to these basic values.

The man who claimed to have written this book had no respect for others online.

He even circulated e-mails among his friends linking me to another blogger with whom he had troubles. I saw David Blacker's hysterical e-mails, thanks to my friends and the truth prevailed as it always does. If you are Googling this, please note the blog in question was maintained by David Blacker, fake author of A Cause Untrue.

Remember God exists. Justice well served. Finally !

R I P my friend.

I am looking for a ‘Weekend’ partner

2009-08-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

These days I am alone in Colombo. My Mom, Dad, Sis and Bro are out of town and my only female friend is out of town too. Since I didn’t want to spend my August weekends alone & feeling desperate, I asked my good friend Zeenath: “Zeenath, would it be a good idea to sell six hours of my time on my weekends on eBay?”

“What would you do and who would bid for your offer?” She was straight to the point.

“I am supposed to be a hot chic. There has to be somebody who will be willing to pay at least 1 dollar to spend six hours with me,” I insisted.

“What if nobody wanted to spend time with you on your weekends? Wouldn’t you be depressed further?”

“I would create another eBay ID and bid for my own time. Then, me and my split-personality will dine together,” I said with a chuckle. But deep down, I was a little happy I didn’t post it on eBay.

Why leave familiar territory? So, here is an offer:

If you stay somewhere close by, that is around Bambalapitiya, and don’t mind spending time with an obnoxious bitch who can at least try to make you laugh…why don’t we meet up? I promise to learn some new jokes & practice hard.

Since it is my request it is only natural that I bear all expenses as part of the treat. If you are interested, please mail me at rehanithegirl@yahoo.com with your contact number so that I can get in touch with you.

Disclaimer: If you aren’t in Bambalapitiya/ Colombo and would like to fly in from some other city/country…let me tell you that that I can’t afford your air tickets. Would loveeeee the gesture, though.

Answering some doubts you might have…

1- Obviously, gender is important. Preferably girls.  

2- If guys, strictly boys younger than me are allowed. That is immature boys below 21. Wouldn’t mind harmless babies and sweet idiots like disease, lost soul and chavie. Hah I can be safe going by their blogs.

3- I will let you know three days in advance if we are going to have lunch together. The idea is to give you enough time. 

4- We will meet for lunch, perhaps. And extend it to dinner - you being the guest, you will get to decide if you want the dinner with me or not

5- I stay around Bambalapitiya, so any place in Bamba, Colpetty or around is fine with me

6- We can also squeeze in a drive to some place or a movie together (up to you) 

7- I do not drink or smoke. Sorry if you are into any of these nasty habits. I don’t entertain such people.

8- I drive, so transport is no issue. I can pick and drop you back

9- I hate pets. So no dogs with you

10- I am a strict Muslim, will not dine at any place that serves pork. I have my own ways of doing things though I do not cover my head and act silly

11- Tolerance is mandatory when I am around

12- My interests vary from Software, Ads, Journalism, to religion, philosophy and politics. See if I am compatible

13- If you are a computer geek then I would love your company. May be I will teach you some Face book hacks, password retrieval tricks, advanced graphics and animation. I can relate to techies easily, plus i will hack your password in front of you if you challenge me. Serious !

14- Last but not least people have said I’m a lovely host despite my bitchy personality. That's for you to decide......

When fired…. Meet the C(lown)ounselor

2009-07-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a story.

Disclaimer: All the characters in this story are fictional and bear no resemblance to any events, places or characters either living, dead or hanging around as ghosts. Any such occurrences are merely co-incidental. This disclaimer is very important and has the same bearing and validity as similar statements like “Deshamanya Deposits Are Subject To Ponzi scheme Risks. Please Read Deshmanya Deposit Disclaimer Carefully Before Investing in Platinum Window Scam Card Company.”

Once upon a time in a country far far away, there lived a man called Dirt Blacker. He wanted to be famous but didn’t know how. At that time the literacy rate in his country was not yet established but Dirt Blacker did possess the conning skills, so he published untrue pages dedicated to a cause, the cause being some publicity Dirt Blacker ever craves for.

Not happy with his life, Dirt Blacker tried to find other ways of realizing his life’s dream, that of becoming a little uncelebrated celebrity, much like the unsung hero that he is. He sold mud. He sold crap, he sold balls, he sold comics. He even tried bogging on Goththu. But he was never able to make any name.

One day as Dirt Blacker was walking alone at night, He saw, smelt and heard something that would change his life forever…

He had a Buddha Moment; he was enlightened and attained another level of intelligence. In his country this Moment is known as ‘The Great Awakening Moment of Dirt Blacker’ and is the basic philosophy of the religion called Blackerism, much like Buddhism.

Dirt Blacker had seen a big man come out of a restaurant. This man had let something out from his tailpipe. It smelt….soon Dirt Blacker realized that this produce was made by every single human being in the world. Slowly he started to sell it on his bog. Over time he became unsuccessful. So unsuccessful that he became a super fuckwit.

He even started to write something called “The Covert Record Of Events Of Dirt Blacker: I Always Had The Knowledge That I Was Going To Be Valuably famous. At No Point Was I Uncertain about It Even For One Sixtieth of a Time span Comprised of Three Thousand Six Hundred Seconds.”

Dirt Blacker put up a picture of himself on his bog and wrote under that “The Place Where ideas and opinions Are Bought And Sold For A Mutually Agreed Upon Sum Of Money or other such benefits (preferably some cheap publicity for me at your expense), Is The Place Where I Am Worshipped And Given Offerings. I Am It’s Supreme Being, Knower And Omnipotent Ruler. Are There Any Embodiments Of Some Sort Of Consciousness That Possess The Desire To Enter Into A Tangible Union Resulting In A Relationship That Would Indicate An Associative Confederation?”

Suddenly One day …..

Dirt Blacker heard something in the basin. It sounded like a big fart. He drilled near the sound and lo and behold he had found gas.

Dirt Blacker called some scientists.

They checked out the gas and smelt it. They said “Yeah, That’s The Stuff. It’s 100% Gas”.

Dirt Blacker asked, “How Did This Happen?” The scientists said, “The Country’s Population has now crossed twenty million. Everyone Is Producing and Reproducing. All the Tailpipe Produce Is Getting Trapped Here. The Basin Can No Longer Contain It, It’s starting to overflow.”

Dirt Blacker said “Oh Damn, I Need to Put This Stuff in Bottles and Cylinders and Sell It on my bog. Nobody Tell Indi.”
Apparently this gas was code named DJ.

Dirt Blacker thought to himself “Now there is DJ Gas. My Gas And I Want It Fresh from the Basin. Not Some Second Hand Stuff From A Tube.”

Dirt Blacker then ran back to his office and called up DJ, the new gas in town and pleaded him to support him in the fight for gas with Indi.

DJ, apparently a nice gentleman said that he had received similar interview requests from many but he would do Dirt Blacker a favor, write it off in his charity account.

Dirt Blacker got all excited, let some gas out and said “It’s Exit Interview time from Now” Sigh…

Yes people, its interview time now in Dirt Blacker’s glamorously fragile celebrity life.

You got fired? Don’t worry. Dirt Blacker will interview you. His coverage will give you the break you’ve been waiting all your life for.

Moral of the story: When you are sacked, Meet Dirt Blacker. He is a caring individual ever willing to hear your side of the sorry tale.

Dirt Blacker is awesome !

I got raped... and i decided to...

2009-07-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

DISABLE COMMENTS.

Today I made that dramatic decision in my blogging life. Yup… No more comments allowed.

My Sis keeps asking why, and to deflect any more questions on that subject, I am posting on it. I disabled comments not because I don’t want the kind of intelligent interaction that I see on so many other sites, but because, I got flamed too often for my liking. I thought that it was safer to keep comments disabled, and avoid abuse on my blog. I envy those bloggers whose readers provide civil discourse. Comments can make a good blog stand out, but mine is read by all kinds.

“How dare you start a blog in the public domain and not have comments? This is the public space, and all blogs should have comments” continues my annoying Sis.

Well, firstly, there is no convention that "all blogs should have comments". Some of the most widely read bloggers, don’t have comments enabled. Secondly, this blog is not public property, but my space. As I would like to say “A woman's blog is her castle.” And while I would be glad to let civil people wander into this particular castle, given my past experiences, I’d rather keep that drawbridge up.

No disrespect is meant to you by this, and you are always welcome to my little castle. Thank you for your understanding.

In the END...

2009-07-20T00:32:00.000-07:00

You will remember

NOT the words of our enemies

BUT the silence of our friends......

Friends or So-called ?????

If the hat fits, Wear it !!

Orgasm - get horny

2009-07-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

The National Health Service of Britain is on a sex education campaign promoting an orgasm a day. Their leaflet is advising school kids that they have a "right" to an enjoyable sex life and that regular intercourse can be good for their cardiovascular health. Yeah of course by all means. Why not ?

The slogan is a twisted version of "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is something like "an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away", it says: "Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?"

This basically encourages underage sex and teen Moms let alone sexually-transmitted diseases.

Aaaaaaawww..... UK is the place to be !!

Why did we gain Independence man ? Life would have been that much more fun with liberal ideas like this. Yes they would have ruled us, but some of our bed hopping teens would have enjoyed life.

The UK as we know is a mad house that houses many retards. But then, it takes an extra kind of retard to come up with campaigns of this nature.

Come think of it... I have only three words to tell these snobbish Brits.

"Don't be Assholes"

At Work

2009-07-13T05:19:00.000-07:00

Corporate ladder, Rat race, Career Progression...

Fuck It. Screw it hard you fuckwit.

Just boils down to human jealousy.

Apparently my Co Workers.

Holy shit.

Fuckwits !

M R Killed M J - Defence Analyst Dirt Blacker says

2009-07-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

IMPORTANT :

SECRET, PRIVATE, PERSONAL, INTIMATE, UNDISCLOSED, UNREVEALED, RESTRICTED, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, BETWEEN OURSELVES, IN CAMERA, OFF THE RECORD, CONFIDENTIAL AND HUSH HUSH.

FULL REPORT ON MJ'S DNA, FORENSIC AND 007 ANALYSIS BY FARTSPHERE ACCLAIMED DEFENCE GURU DIRT BLACKER.

Few days ago Michael Jackson died. Thanks to the wonder of Television (Dirt Blacker has Plasma LCD with BLURAY- limited military edition) Dirt Blacker was able to watch many tributes to him. Today Dirt Blacker notices that there is a full-scale international investigation headed by the media to find out how Michael Jackson died.

The media never left Michael alone when he was alive and they are still not leaving him alone once he's passed on into the afterlife.

So how did Michael Jackson die?

At this point I would like to issue a specially prepared statement verified by my Chief Public Relations Officer:

“I, Dirt Blacker had absolutely nothing to do in the matter of Michael Jackson’s demise. Any reports or rumors being harbored on the Fartsphere that I, Dirt Blacker killed Michael Jackson are completely and totally untrue. They are an attempt to malign my sexy wild cowboy defence analyst image and cause a Fartsphere crash”

Now why did I just say all this?

It’s because as an influential fart I get blamed for a lot of things. We live in a society of blamers. But thanks to statements verified by one’s Chief Public Relations Officer one’s blame can always be cleared.

Once the blame is cleared it is one’s duty to get back to being a member of society by placing the blame for a particular event by blaming someone else. This is exactly what I have done. The Fartsphere has blamed me for the death of Michael Jackson. Now that I have cleared my name by issuing a statement I shall place the blame on someone else.

Thus the cycle of blame continues and when the circle of blame comes full circle the Sri Lankan government can order an enquiry headed by someone. When that enquiry committee report comes out another new circle of blame begins which is almost always started by the opposition party.

So who killed Michael Jackson?

Fartsphere Police has conducted its preliminary investigation and revealed that the cause of MJ’s death is a fiendish creature called: MAHINDA.

The Fartsphere Police theory is based on the following considerations:

1- Mahinda considered Jackson an enemy because MJ liked to erect his statues but Mahinda is also obsessed with erecting statues. Both parties went to the same statue maker. MJ due to his celebritydom was always given the first preference which irritated Mahinda. He thus got rid of the competition by attacking MJ.

2- Mahinda still blames MJ for stealing his dance moves and hand gimmicks.

Since MJ is a foreign national who is not a parliamentarian in Sri Lanka, he cannot be transferred thus he can only be eliminated.

3- Mahinda was angry and jealous MJ was trying to imitate him thus causing much embarrassment to him. Mahinda had Patented this unique style of greeting that was known as "Ayubowan" to himself. MJ didn't pay the royalty fee due to Mahinda. So Mahinda ordered to kill MJ. Mahinda is said to be upset MJ's last will makes no reference to the 500 Million Dollars due to him in royalty debts.

4- Mahinda lost big time to MJ when they both had participated in "Whose hands are longer" waving competition. Mahinda was holding a grudge he couldn't beat MJ's classic finger gestures.

These are just a few reasons why Mahinda killed Michael Jackson according to Fartsphere Police. I, Dirt Blacker your self appointed self professed defence analyst do hereby certify these initial findings to be factually untrue and politically correct.

If you live in a world inhabited by Dirt Blacker, Fartsphere Police, terrorists, recession, depression, crime and poverty. You are indeed better off dead than alive.

RIP MJ.

(PS : No Prejudice intended to any individuals whether dead or alive)

Sri Lanka – Small Miracle - BIG BLUNDER?

2009-07-08T10:43:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER : Please do not read if your upstair department has only limited capacity.

What do we mean by place branding/nation branding? Is it tourism marketing?

I don't want to nag, but let me stress that Place Branding is not a marketing or communications discipline. It's not about how places or countries promote or 'sell' themselves. It's not about slogans, stupid logos, PR campaigns or other forms of advertising. It's not tourism promotion. It's not government spin or propaganda.

Place Branding simply recognizes that, in the modern world, the reputations of places are incredibly important to their prosperity and progress. Places with powerful and positive reputations find that all their transactions (including inbound tourism) with other places are relatively easy and productive, while places with weak or negative reputations find that everything is relatively difficult.

In other words, places, just like companies, have brand images, and those brand images are crucial to their performance. This is where the term 'place brand' comes from.

What proper place branding doesn't claim and never has is that countries can improve or enhance their reputations in the same way that companies can. You can sell a product or a service with advertising campaigns, but places aren't products.

Most places have, over many years, acquired a certain image because of the things they have done, the things they have made, the way they have made or done these things, or perhaps because of the things they haven't done or made. This gradually creates a very stable, very deeply rooted set of beliefs or prejudices about the kind of country it is.

And you simply can't change that fixed belief by buying advertising space and arguing with people about your image, or contradicting what they already believe. People know what that is: it's called cheap propaganda, and it doesn't work any more.

A reputation cannot be constructed. It can only be earned.

That said; let us now analyze the stupidity of some of our Administrators and Admen. Shall we?

So place branding is a strategic, policy-making approach, designed to help places build on the strengths that will earn them a better reputation. It takes time, commitment, imagination, leadership and energy. It takes close coordination between government, companies and civil society: because all three are co-owners and co-managers of their nation's reputation.

Each country in the world has its own unique characteristics. For instance America means good life and prosperity, China stands for inspiration and change, Whilst Somalia may well be associated with poverty, we the islanders just can’t get rid of our obsession with Stupidity so much so some of us are known as Silly Lankans and quite rightly so.

There is much hype about this Small Miracle. WTF?

What exactly is this small miracle or small pickle supposed to do?

Small is essentially beautiful. Is that it? Small means niche. Is that it? If Srilanka were a small miracle, then ideally you would be pitching it against up-market celebrity tourists who have other choices like Caribbean for instance.

We are essentially targeting the traditional back packer German Pedophiles and snobbish Brit Papas living on social security. In other words, we are a mass market “Laabai Laabai menna badu” taking advantage of off-season promotional tickets by airlines, group discounts and last minute cheap deals. Isn’t that our reality?

The term “SMALL” is essentially associated with up-market goods & services. Rolls Royce cannot be marketed as mass-market car nor can Maruti become a status symbol.

You are either Class or Mass. There is no such thing as Classy Mass, essentially the positioning our (In) capable Admen are trying to arrive at. To give an example, you are either male or female. Mix the two; the resultant hybrid variety will look like our Literati wannabe resident Milley Cyrus specimen in a Barefoot sarong and Odel bikini. So electrifying is the hybrid portrait appeal that you wanna puke all at once. Sigh.. (Pun intended).

Small Miracle with an average night spend of 35 dollars? You wanna call your stupidity value for money offer? Oh..Please.. I don’t think you are fooling anyone here. Hope I have made it clear. There is a fundamental contradiction with Small Miracle positioning. Its like Rolls Royce going cheap at “Whatever I can get” price coz I am desperate to fill my rooms and achieve a decent occupancy rate.

If you thought this blunder stops there, NO… “I am determined to screw everything” is the attitude of our policy makers and their Advertising counterparts.

To begin with, there is no such thing as Tourism Marketing. Nowhere in the sophisticated world would you hear that anymore. Developed countries have moved on having done away with this concept. It’s rather archaic to focus on tourism alone anymore. I would argue for an INTEGRATED Country Marketing, where tourism could be a small or major part in it.

Having a positive image can make a world of difference to a country, just as it does for companies and their products. Places can’t construct or manipulate their images with advertising or PR, slogans or logos such as this.

If you thought the logo was a small miracle that happened, well some hot shot big shot creative genie found a bright idea. He/ She/ It stole an already available logo, worked around the fonts and typography to arrive at that ORIGINAL classic master piece of a logo. You can see His/ Her/ It's source of inspiration below.

Pussy !! But I'm sure they will justify it saying "We needed consistency. So we stole"

But Hey its not a big sin Yeah. All is fair in Advertising. Steal & Modify. That's creativity, the Phoenix style.

Whilst videos such as this are a treat to watch, they don't make miracles happen. And although some governments spend large amounts of money trying to do just that, there is absolutely no proof that it works.

Places can only change their images by changing the way they behave.

The only sure way places can change their images is by changing the way they behave: they need to focus on the things they make and do, not the things they say. It calls for an integrated approach where all four elements come together.

1- Foreign policies
2- Tourism
3- Foreign investment
4- Exports & International trade

This could be through carefully chosen

International cultural, sporting and political events,
Improved cultural and academic relations with other countries,
Strategic commitment to international development and poverty reduction,
Productive engagement with multilateral institutions,
Regional organizations and with NGOs at home and abroad,
Effective coordination between government, industry and civil society,
Enhanced public and private diplomacy overseas,
A visionary long-term approach to innovation, investment and education. And many more related activities.

American success can be attributed to Abraham Lincoln and many of its legendary brands like Coke or Levis. They all contributed to making Brand America what it is today.

An average backpacker sex tourist to Thambapani island arrives onboard Sri Lankan airlines, drinks Ceylon tea, reads Serendib magazine, changes currency at Seylan bank, dances to the calypso of Tabrobane band and thank God he is not exposed to Eeelam though he might be exposed to Peoples Republic of Mihin sometime soon…

Can you see our confusion here? So many names for an island so small? Nowhere have I seen a country being called by this many names. We got all our basics screwed from names, to positioning to our offer and appeal.

Country marketing also depends on country leadership. So which candidate will be better for ‘Brand Sri Lanka’? Nothing very scientific here, I'm afraid: but in my opinion it's Brand Mahinda, without a doubt. This has relatively little to do with whether someone won the war or lost, green or blue, little to do with our politics, and quite a bit to do with how masculine or feminine each is. Mahinda has, I hope he will excuse me saying so, some interestingly feminine qualities (he gives the impression of being caring, culturally sensitive, gentle and considerate) despite the odd scary scary moustache, he also appears driven, forceful and pretty aggressive. It’s a good blend though he is no personal favorite of mine.

If I were to handle this, I would first define a country marketing plan involving BOI, Immigration department, Tourism board, EDB, Foreign ministry, our diplomatic missions abroad, Ports authority, Airports etc… Current stand alone small miracle operating in silos will only prove costly and detrimental to long term strategic growth.

But then numbers do matter to Srilankans. We want 2.5 Million tourist arrivals be they first class, third class that’s still class coz they are all white skinned. How stupid?

What we ideally need is a Country-marketing agency than a tourism-marketing agency. We are so obsessed with micro managing and big volumes, that we forget our priorities. Its quality Vs quantity end of the day.

If you are saying we have moved away from traditional markets of Germany and the UK and have now added India and China, you might wanna know immigration department recently estimated a 20,000 Indians overstaying in the country working in hotels and factories competing with Srilankans adding to unemployment. Many Chinese come here to operate brothels. All these so-called tourists came as tourists to SL. Such is the irony of tourism in SL.

So gullible are we?

As for Small Miracle, what can I say? Well done Irvin & the clan, you got your pockets filled. You indeed needed that big miracle in your small wonder agency.

Trying to revamp, rejuvenate tourism with small miracles?

Dream on, as they say in fools’ paradise that is Sri Lanka !

If YOU are an UGLY CROW, then THANK GOD for it.

2009-07-02T04:47:00.000-07:00

Yes..... Don't challenge God with cosmetic surgeries, fairness creams, bleaching and all the weird stuff you do to make your (so called) ugly self look a little cuter.

If you are dark skinned, you are lucky. CELEBRATE IT girl. Don't be ashamed. You are dark coz God created you dark. Grandma's wisdom says God knows what's best for you.

Well...... If you aren't convinced,

The British tabloid The Sun claims it has some disturbing details about Michael Jackson's autopsy report.

It says:

- There was no food in the pop star's stomach, only pills were found.

- The pop star was bald and bruised.

- There were four needle wounds near his heart.

- His ribs were broken by CPR.

- He weighed just about 50 kilos, which is underweight for his 5 feet 11 inch frame.

- Michael was a virtual skeleton.

- His hips, thighs and shoulders were full of needle wounds, which is believed to be the result of injections of narcotic painkillers.

- There were also numerous surgery scars, which is thought to be the legacy of at least 13 cosmetic operations.

If you are on a diet, then you are a loser. EAT, EAT, EAT...... God will look after your shape. Remember those who don't have a meal and those who go to sleep without a meal. Why Diet when God has given you a good meal ? EAT while you are alive for you never know if you will be alive for your next meal. So EAT you idiot.

Celebrate your LOOKS. You are beautiful in your own way, God never discriminates. He created all of us beautiful, subtly and radically............ :P

Ass kissing is big business GLOBALLY

2009-06-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Haaaaaaaaa... Yeah You Ass kissers all around, next time someone calls you one, well he is only telling the truth but then you have an excuse here.

You scratch mine and I'll scratch yours really ?????????

I like Kottu for the simple reason it has given me access to a somewhat established readership but often times i wonder why many a bloggers tend to kiss each other's ass. OK that's nice one may argue and it probably is. I don't know coz i'm yet to do this but i don't mind ass kissing coz its still better than trolling. In that context a little bit of ass kissing isn't a bad idea at all, but the problem though is when we tend to over do that. Some even act like couples in a romeo Juliet intimate scene. Funny but true !!!

Recently i found this soul that admits its kind of lost do some kissing here but see how this not so healthy guy first promises to scratch in return and finds the time to fulfill his divine duty here in a spectacular way.

Wow... Some kids never grow up i tell you !!! Free show and good entertainment indeed.

But then hey don't worry ya.... Ass kissing is a global phenomenon.

Now go kiss someone else's ass. I'm happy kissing mine :P

On a serious note, CAN ASS KISSING BE THE WAY FORWARD TO ACHIEVING GLOBAL PEACE ? Surely when we kiss with so much passion and a sense of duty and responsibility like lost soul and disease, we won't have time to think of wars and nuclear weapons ya?

What say you ?

(PS: No offence intended. Just wanted to say it in a funny way)

Did you know that

2009-06-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

Anti Kottu Blogger is ALIVE

2009-06-29T00:38:00.000-07:00

Whilst many of us happily subscribe to the school of thought that says "Do in Rome as the Romans do" , some of us, the rare gems amongst us would still prefer to challenge the status quo. They are the so-called traitors but i would prefer to call them Non-Mainstream actors. Pardon me if my philosophy sucks.

Some of us do choose to be different and it does take a lot of courage, maturity, sense in upstairs department and most of all the nerve. The nerve.

I found one such blogger here. A Sri Lankan blogger who says Kottu is for main streamers. Have a look at it. Not that I'm on a campaign against Kottu, but i just love this guy's nerve. Can we not learn a lesson from this guy? It is to do with one's own self-confidence i guess. In a world where everyone is concerned about their blog hits and Google analytics, i found this blogger worthy of many things.

Girigoris......... You simply rock !

Psychiatrists as Paramedics

2009-06-29T00:08:00.000-07:00

Yup.

Psychiatrists as Paramedics !!

That's about the only solution i could think of given the exponential increase of members in the "PSYCHOPATH" community.

I was just thinking what if Blogger, Word press, Type pad and other blogging platforms had different keys or buttons or whatever one may wanna call it that read something like

"I'm paranoid. Need psychiatric care"
"I am unable to vent out. Need a psychiatrist urgently"
"I have written an ill post, need to have it approved by my Psychiatrist"

Endless possibilities ???

Come to think of it, there exists a GAP and a NEED for this. Isn't it so?

Paramedic help is needed for some of us. Let's face it. Going by some posts and comments i can comfortably come to the conclusion that Psychiatrists as Paramedics is the only way forward.

Now suppose, all blogs had this option, what would then happen?

Surely Kottu would be a nice place, a place where there is peace, a place free of weeds and psychopath characters whose only intention online is to ANNOY others for no valid reason except their psychological disorders that make them behave in a particular way that makes others feel sorry for the person concerned and say "Damn..God help this character. He is a human too. Save him in the name of humanity"

I was just looking for solutions to control ill comments and this was all i could come up with. Yeah.. "Consult Psychiatrist" key just before "Publish Post" and "Publish Comment" keys.

What say you?

I apologize to all Kottu members

2009-06-27T05:39:00.000-07:00

In my own defense, it is counter intuitive to think that a post i make on my own page will be seen/heard universally (it's a great concept, but it is indeed counter intuitive).

I suppose the first thing I should have posted is that this blog is just a way for me to get my frustrations out, especially since I can’t break glassware at home or throw stuff at Mom and Sis.

I really messed this one up. When I posted it I was trying to provide you with a different view. Instead, I did a bad job of explaining who MJ was. I'd like to try to correct those errors now.

I don’t think there's a need to delete that post altogether. Hence it will remain undeleted. Personally I think there is nothing wrong for someone to point in a different direction.

That said, I do indeed apologize for entering into your space and calling everyone a Jackass Jackson Fan. It really was unintentional, at least it was not meant to hurt anyone. Somehow I missed this point, basic courtesy during a funeral. This was a big mistake on my part, and I'm sorry for it.

This may sound silly, but I want to thank all of you who have written in, commented and created posts and protested. Even though I wish I hadn't made so many of you angry, I am glad I got to hear you. If my posts aren’t up to any ones standards then I apologize again.

Please accept my sincere apology.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Rehani

Hey ME TOO Silly Lankans... Stop kissing MJ's ass !

2009-06-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

Now WTF ? He died. So what? Everyone does. All of us do. Is that a big fucking deal? I don't get it. Lankanosphere is full of this shit. Not sure if anyone of these idiots have even seen the man perform live? I haven't though, chances are no one has either. Isn't it crazy we give this guy so much importance? Why? Can someone tell me why? This ME TOO post business is like some contagious illness, everyone jumps the bandwagon to say "I was not his fan, but i miss him" Really? Now pray tell why?

LMAO those of you who think Michael is an Angel and going to Heaven are really fucking stupid. Jackson is on the fast track to burn in hell. Sorry but he is done, and deserves to burn for Eternity. We all know there would be a bunch of loser fans still feeling sorry for him. If the public would have ever gotten to see those videos that disappeared of him in bed with little boys maybe then the few remaining dumb asses out there would wise up on this pedophile sick freak.

Anyone who respects a Pedophile just because he could sing and dance is an absolute fucking moron. Look back when this all went down he still was worth like 900 Million dollars plus and instead of going to court if he WAS TRULY innocent to exonerate himself of any guilt he paid off up to 6 families.

I mean seriously that would be like if they found out Bono had raped like 5 women and paid off people saying you still respected him. Look Michael had so much money still back then the videos tapes seized at his home of him in bed with little boys disappeared mysteriously right out of lock down even at the police department & the DA's office. This suck fuck is gonna burn in hell and the earth is better with scum like him gone. Sorry about my crudeness here, but guys I don't like to pretend like you all.

The cases against him were very serious, if it was a young child in your family that was victimized, and the perp brought his way out of it, would you still call him a hero? Judgement day is here! I don't think he will be looked as a hero.

MJ was a troubled human with a very lost soul, always seeking to recover his ill gay life.

MY CONDOLENCES TO ALL THE JACKASS JACKSON FANS ON KOTTU, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME SUCH STUPID POSTS.

GOD REST YOUR TROUBLED SOUL MICHAEL. YOU NOW CAN BE INNOCENT FOREVER AS AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN......... Courtesy Stupidity of some idiots on Kottu.

Politically correct ME TOO blog posts..... RIP !!!

Playboy President Sarkozy the sex beast sucks- OOH LA LA

2009-06-23T22:56:00.001-07:00

In life one encounters strange specimens. Characters so unique that you have to simply sit down and say “DAMN! I can’t believe God had the time to build such a one as this”.    

One such character is called Nicolas Sarkozy, a politician and French President who has had more sex by being out of the wedlock than in it. He is usually found with bikini clad skinny model prototypes on beaches simply waiting to give expert advice to Muslims on what and how they should wear.

WTF?

But hey I won't impose my morality here. It's too juicy.

(Sarkozy's Presidential date with model Carla Bruni who later became his THIRD official wife)

Sarkozy is ridiculous, badly behaved and not fit to be president. He needs to surround himself with pretty young things dressed in Dior and the holy president screws around like a love-sick teenager. It is not at all what the French expect from their head of state.

Torturer.

Recently though he showed his apparent obsession with bikinis by banning Burka and Hijab (The Muslim dress) in France. Now who is this idiot to tell Muslims what they should be wearing?

If he likes Carla Bruni, his latest thingy in a bikini, so be it. That’s his business. We never told him not to indulge. After all the presidential indulgence is heavenly. But don’t fucking poke your silly nose into our affairs.

The status of women in Islam is often the target of attacks in the secular media. The ‘hijab’ or the Islamic dress is cited by many as an example of the ‘subjugation’ of women under Islamic law. Before we analyze the reasoning behind the religiously mandated ‘hijab’, let us first study the status of women in societies before the advent of Islam

1. In the past women were degraded and used as objects of lust
The following examples from history amply illustrate the fact that the status of women in earlier civilizations was very low to the extent that they were denied basic human dignity:
a. Babylonian Civilization:
The women were degraded and were denied all rights under the Babylonian law. If a man murdered a woman, instead of him being punished, his wife was put to death.
b. Greek Civilization:
Greek Civilization is considered the most glorious of all ancient civilizations. Under this very ‘glorious’ system, women were deprived of all rights and were looked down upon. In Greek mythology, an ‘imaginary woman’ called ‘Pandora’ is the root cause of misfortune of human beings. The Greeks considered women to be subhuman and inferior to men. Though chastity of women was precious, and women were held in high esteem, the Greeks were later overwhelmed by ego and sexual perversions. Prostitution became a regular practice amongst all classes of Greek society.
c. Roman Civilization:
When Roman Civilization was at the zenith of its ‘glory’, a man even had the right to take the life of his wife. Prostitution and nudity were common amongst the Romans.
d. Egyptian Civilization:
The Egyptian considered women evil and as a sign of a devil.
e. Pre-Islamic Arabia:
Before Islam spread in Arabia, the Arabs looked down upon women and very often when a female child was born, she was buried alive.

2. Islam uplifted women and gave them equality and expects them to maintain their status.
Islam uplifted the status of women and granted them their just rights 1400 years ago. Islam expects women to maintain their status.
Hijab for men
People usually only discuss ‘hijab’ in the context of women. However, Qur’an first mentions ‘hijab’ for men before ‘hijab’ for the women.
“Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.” [Al-Qur’an 24:30]
The moment a man looks at a woman and if any brazen or unashamed thought comes to his mind, he should lower his gaze.

Hijab for women.
The next verse says:
“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons…” [AL-Qur’an 24:31]

3. Six criteria for Hijab.
According to Islam there are basically six criteria for observing hijab:
1. Extent:
The first criterion is the extent of the body that should be covered. This is different for men and women. The extent of covering obligatory on the male is to cover the body at least from the navel to the knees. For women, the extent of covering obligatory is to cover the complete body except the face and the hands upto the wrist. If they wish to, they can cover even these parts of the body. Some scholars of Islam insist that the face and the hands are part of the obligatory extent of ‘hijab’.
All the remaining five criteria are the same for men and women.
2. The clothes worn should be loose and should not reveal the figure.
3. The clothes worn should not be transparent such that one can see through them.
4. The clothes worn should not be so glamorous as to attract the opposite sex.
5. The clothes worn should not resemble that of the opposite sex.
6. The clothes worn should not resemble that of the unbelievers i.e. they should not wear clothes that are specifically identities or symbols of the unbelievers’ religions.

4. Hijab includes conduct and behavior among other things
Complete ‘hijab’, besides the six criteria of clothing, also includes the moral conduct, behavior, attitude and intention of the individual. A person only fulfilling the criteria of ‘hijab’ of the clothes is observing ‘hijab’ in a limited sense. ‘Hijab’ of the clothes should be accompanied by ‘hijab’ of the eyes, ‘hijab’ of the heart, ‘hijab’ of thought and ‘hijab’ of intention. It also includes the way a person walks, the way a person talks, the way he behaves, etc.

5. Hijab prevents molestation
The reason why Hijab is prescribed for women is mentioned in the Qur’an in the following verses:
“0 Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad); that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Al-Qur’an 33:59]
The Qur’an says that Hijab has been prescribed for the women so that they are recognized as modest women and this will also prevent them from being molested.

6. Example of twin sisters
Suppose two sisters who are twins, and who are equally beautiful, walk down the street. One of them is attired in the Islamic hijab i.e. the complete body is covered, except for the face and the hands up to the wrists. The other sister is wearing western clothes, a mini skirt or shorts. Just around the corner there is a hooligan or ruffian who is waiting for a catch, to tease a girl. Whom will he tease? The girl wearing the Islamic Hijab or the girl wearing the skirt or the mini? Naturally he will tease the girl wearing the skirt or the mini. Such dresses are an indirect invitation to the opposite sex for teasing and molestation. The Qur’an rightly says that hijab prevents women from being molested.

7. Capital punishment for the rapists
Under the Islamic law, a man convicted of having raped a woman, is given capital punishment. Many are astonished at this ‘harsh’ sentence. Some even say that Islam is a ruthless, barbaric religion! I have asked a simple question to hundreds of non-Muslim men. Suppose, God forbid, someone rapes your wife, your mother or your sister. You are made the judge and the rapist is brought in front of you. What punishment would you give him? All of them said they would put him to death. Some went to the extent of saying they would torture him to death. To them I ask, if someone rapes your wife or your mother you want to put him to death. But if the same crime is committed on somebody else’s wife or daughter you say capital punishment is barbaric. Why should there be double standards?

8. Western society falsely claims to have uplifted women
Western talk of women’s liberalization is nothing but a disguised form of exploitation of her body, degradation of her soul, and deprivation of her honor. Western society claims to have ‘uplifted’ women. On the contrary it has actually degraded them to the status of concubines, mistresses and society butterflies who are mere tools in the hands of pleasure seekers and sex marketers, hidden behind the colorful screen of ‘art’ and ‘culture’.

9. USA has one of the highest rates of rape
USA is supposed to be one of the most advanced countries of the world. It also has one of the highest rates of rape in any country in the world.
Consider a scenario where the Islamic hijab is followed in America. Whenever a man looks at a woman and any brazen or unashamed thought comes to his mind, he lowers his gaze. Every woman wears the Islamic hijab, that is the complete body is covered except the face and the hands upto the wrist. After this if any man commits rape he is given capital punishment. I ask you, in such a scenario, will the rate of rape in America increase, will it remain the same, or will it decrease?

10. Implementation of Islamic Law will reduce the rate of rapes
Naturally as soon as Islamic Law is implemented positive results will be inevitable. If Islamic Law is implemented in any part of the world, whether it is America or Europe, society will breathe easier. Hijab does not degrade a woman but uplifts a woman and protects her modesty and chastity.

And guys, this is what Sarkozy ultimately wants. Have a look :P

Get drunk People..... get drunk.... !

2009-06-23T02:13:00.000-07:00

Recently I came across this shocking revelation. Srilanka has the highest Per capita consumption of liquor in the world. Did you know this? I’m disgusted to say the least. I for one have never had this evil liquid considering I come from a strict but not orthodox bohra background where cigarettes and alcohol are taboo.

Many of my friends drink. Its a fashion of sorts for them. They are POSH because they drink whereas i'm a "Godey" girl because i don't. Besides I have seen many people write “Over a drink”, “At this bar with so and so”, “We went for a drink”, “Buba thingy was good”, “We were in high spirits”, “Yay….time for some Bacardi” And so on right here on Kottu, surprisingly though not by men but by female bloggers as if it’s the only thing they had happen in their sad lives that was blog worthy when they came to the blogsphere. SICK bitches.

Thanks for branding me “backward girl” immediately!. I knew your reaction anyway.

Alcohol has been the scourge of human society since time immemorial. It continues to cost countless human lives, and causes terrible misery to millions throughout the world. Alcohol is the root cause of several problems facing society. The statistics of soaring crime rates, increasing instances of mental illnesses and millions of broken homes throughout the world bear mute testimony to the destructive power of alcohol.

1. Prohibition of alcohol in the Qur’an
The Glorious Qur’an prohibits the consumption of alcohol in the following verse:
“O ye who believe! Intoxicants and Gambling, (dedication of) stones, and (divination by) arrows, are an Abomination — of Satan’s handiwork; eschew such (abomination), that ye may prosper.” [AL-Qur’an 5:90]

2. Prohibition of alcohol in the Bible
The Bible prohibits the consumption of alcohol in the following verses:
a. “Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging; and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.” [Proverbs 20:1]
b. “And be not drunk with wine.” [Ephesians 5:18]

3. Alcohol inhibits the inhibitory centre
The human beings possess an inhibitory centre in their brains. This inhibitory centre prevents the person from doing things that he considers wrong. For instance a person does not normally use abusive language while addressing his parents or elders. If he has to answer the call of nature, his inhibitory centre will prevent him from doing so in public. Therefore he uses the toilet.
When a person consumes alcohol, the inhibitory centre itself is inhibited. That is precisely the reason that an inebriated person is often found to be indulging in behavior that is completely uncharacteristic of him. For instance the intoxicated person is found to use abusive and foul language and does not realize his mistake even if he is addressing his parents. Many even urinate in their clothes. Neither do they talk nor walk properly. They even misbehave.

4. Cases of adultery. rape. incest and AIDS are found more among alcoholics
Statistics tell us that the majority of the rapists were intoxicated while committing the crime. The same is true in cases of molestation. Almost all the cases of incest are due to intoxication of one or both the persons involved.
One of the major factors associated with the spread of AIDS, the most dreaded disease, is alcoholism.

5. Every alcoholic was initially a social drinker
Many may argue in favor of liquor by calling themselves ‘social drinkers’. They claim that they only have one or two pegs and they have self-control and so never get intoxicated. Investigations reveal that every alcoholic started as a social drinker. Not a single alcoholic or drunkard initially starts drinking with the intention of becoming an alcoholic or a drunkard. No social drinker can say that I have been having alcohol for several years and that I have so much self-control that I have never been intoxicated even a single time.

6. If a person is intoxicated just once and commits something shameful. It will remain with him for a lifetime.
Suppose a ‘social drinker’ loses his self-control just once. In a state of intoxication he commits rape or incest. Even if the act is later regretted, a normal human being is likely to carry the guilt throughout his life. Both the perpetrator and the victim are irreparably and irreversibly damaged.

7. According to Islam, Allah’s curse falls on ten groups of people who deal with alcohol.
The one who distills it,
The one for whom it has been distilled,
The one who drinks it,
The one who transports it,
The one to who it has been brought,
The one whom serves it,
The one who sells it,
The one who utilizes money from it,
The one who buys it and
The one who buys it for someone else.

8. Diseases associated with alcoholism
There are several scientific reasons for the prohibition of consumption of intoxicants i.e. alcohol. The maximum number of deaths in the world related to any one particular cause is due to the consumption of alcohol. Millions of people die every year only because of intake of alcohol. I need not go into the details of all the ill-effects of alcohol since most of them are commonly known.

9. Alcoholism is a ‘disease’
Some medical doctors (who themselves are alcoholics) have now turned liberal towards alcoholics and call alcoholism a disease rather than an addiction.

If alcohol is a disease, it is the only disease that:
- Is sold in bottles
- Is advertised in newspapers, magazines, on radio and television
- Has licensed outlets to spread it
- Produces revenue for the government
- Brings violent deaths on the highways
- Destroys family life and increases crime
- Has no germs or viral cause

Now what say you?

Go... Get drunk people... get drunk... !!!!

David Blacker – The Pigeon head

2009-06-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people get married and produce children. Mr.Blacker also did this and he produced a son called David Blacker. David Blacker is now a wannabe defense columnist. In future (as in the past) he will get married and he will produce children. His children will grow up and become defense columnists. They will get married and produce children. Those children will become defense columnists and they will get married and produce more children who will become defense columnists who will get married and produce more children who will become defense columnists….

Mr.Blacker’s marriage and ability to produce children is a long-term investment, it just keeps on growing like his tripe on his tiny little blog. His life is therefore of paramount interest to a long-term oriented person like myself.

David Blacker is a strong Sri Lankan man. He is from Srilanka’s younger generation. This is the generation that is rebellious and is sponsored by Viagra. It’s a generation that is currently fighting for its own country called Lankarmy.

David Blacker is not only a wannabe defense columnist but blog (not blogbuster) actor as well. He is an ardent supporter of idiots’ rights. As a member of the younger generation he does things differently. He cannot stand the abuse of idiots’ affairs.
Just recently in Vanni a man called Prabhakaran who had very little inside his skull got smoothly f**cked up by our little chap Fonseka & his clan. Fonseka had a good field day. And now the virile Fonseka wanted to strengthen his muscles obviously.

Some were sad, so they went and complained to idiots’ rights supporter David Blacker. David Blacker decided to do something about it. He decided to let his two cents out in his own way. His heart was bleeding at the sight of the idiots who possibly could be beaten up by Fonseka’s men.

David Blacker decided to activise. He kidnapped a white pigeon and put the pigeon on his head and then he started singing a song called MASAKALI. To this song he performed the ancient Indian dance of KATHAKALI.

By singing masakali and doing kathakali with a pigeon on his head he has shown the country that every tom dick and harry’s two cents are important. David Blacker has also shown that the citizens of Sri Lanka can protest against things that require protesting not by marching from Point A to Point B with banners but dancing with pigeons on our heads.

Because only if we dance with pigeons on our heads can peace and justice be achieved and can we truly be called PIGEONHEADS.

And now we know somebody who wants to be a PIGEON HEAD is Goththu’s holy resident defense journalist David Blacker.

This Fonseka man is all virile and energetic. On his interview he said something about the figures and numbers of his proud men.

Now I don’t understand this. Here's the thing. David Blacker's fragile sentiments have been hurt because general Fonseka says "I want to strengthen my army carders." David Blacker writes a factually baseless post and some of us are mislead by this rather ambiguous post.

The thing is that just because David Blacker wrote his post because of his bloated ego and two cents on all affairs that is military, doesn’t mean the rest of the world can’t see what he actually wrote. David can fool some but not me; I’m the world’s 136755892182nd intelligent woman. I can crack his head in one single minute if I want.

Therefore this humble twenty-year-old girl will now show the world the truth and set the record straight.

Appalling stupidity. Absolute blasphemy. As I read his post here, I am dumbfounded to see David Blacker break every rule of basic common sense. Take a couple of instances for example:

He concludes "I know it’s nuts. I know it’s impractical. I know we can’t really afford it" Now WHY is it nuts? Please explain.

The poor guy adds in the comments about how redundant workers from Apparel industry can be re-employed. If I’m not mistaken I passed my grade five exams at Wycherley where I managed to learn “Apparel Industry in Srilanka employs 95% women” Sheeeeesh... David, I don’t think Mr.Fonseka was referring to increasing women corps or even finding beautiful brides for those eligible bachelors now that the war is over and they can all sleep peacefully. Get your facts correct will ya?

In another instance (but primarily to be precise), our holy defense analyst suggests that we will be among the Top 10 Armies in the world if the numbers were increased to whatever levels required. Duh….. Isn’t that obvious? You increase the number, Up goes your ranking. Pretty basic? Perhaps comprehension is what David lacks. But anyway, should numbers matter? Why? Please explain.

As for me, we are already Number ONE in the world for the simple reason that we managed to do the impossible, one that the whole world thought we weren’t capable of. Talk quality and not quantity. Come to think of it, quality also refers to true patriotism of our soldiers, one that cannot be measured in terms of salary, benefits and pension schemes. So we are already Number one. Aren’t we? Where then is the question of Top 10? How did it arise in the first place?

Then, our hero of stupidity (in his reply to a commentator) says Wikepedia is mostly unreliable. Yeah….. So here is an alternate source. Check whatever you want here. In terms of rapid recruitment we are already number three.

Hello! Tamil Diaspora guys with venom, you’ve got more goats to slay. But before you do, you’ve got to love Kottu and more precisely Mr. David Blacker. He’s your official intelligence from ground zero.

You do not need to be a defense analyst to understand the basic premise of our Army, which starts with protecting victims first whilst doing its best to ensure it doesn’t occur in the first place.

Remember this is a blogsphere, where in all likelihood, every blogger has an iota of intelligence to say the least. We needn’t have been in Section 2, Recce Group Charlie, 6th Sinha Rifles. KIA, July 1991, Elephant Pass. All we need is common sense. And sorry I’m not 19 till I die. I age. I grow up.

David Blacker is an ex-soldier who left the army long ago according to his book. Looks like the idiot analyst has not learnt anything since then.

Oh, he has a lame excuse pronouncing that he is not arguing for or against it, and therefore it is okay to write his tripe. Like hell!

All you confused folks, an army in the broadest sense, is the land-based armed forces of a nation. Army and Armed forces are two different entities. Former is a part of the latter like all mothers are women, but not all women are mothers. He didn’t clarify this basic point in his post, but thanks to him, he however clarified when some equally confused souls starting commenting in a state of confusion. But glad he clarified. Hats off to him for getting it correct after his prolonged confusion.

In Srilankan context, as in most other countries Armed forces would include but not limited to army, navy, air force and police whilst the Ministry of Defense also looks after State Intelligence Service, Kotelawala Defense University, Defense Services Command and Staff College, National Cadet Corps, Department of Immigration & Emigration, Department of Registration of Persons, Department of Civil Defense (formerly the Home Guard Service), The National Dangerous Drugs Control Board, Ranaviru Seva Authority etc….

The Sri Lanka Army is the oldest and largest of the Sri Lanka Armed Forces and is responsible for land-based military and humanitarian operations. Enough said.

David Blacker insists and implies that "it is past time to increase the end-strength of the Army"

Let me respond.

As a political matter and as a strategic impulse, this is long overdue. But it is only a starting point. In the near term, given the stresses of economy and the deleterious effects of more than three decade of war, almost any plan to expand land forces will help.

But the larger project of rebuilding or strengthening the Army to sustain the demands of a new era will require as much thought as money. To properly size and shape Sri Lankan land forces so that the Armed forces and the Army complement each other, we must answer five questions.

1- What is the Mission?
During the War, the classic question for defense planners was, How much is enough? The unstated assumption was that the strategic goal was to contain LTTE aggression. Since the death of evil creature called Prabhakaran, the question for Mr.Fonseka has been, what do you want us to do? Without a broader understanding of the missions for Srilankan ground forces, Army planners won't know how much is enough or even what kind of forces are needed.
Essentially, We won't do land wars anymore. This leads to my second question. If so,

2- What Kind of War?
The Sri Lankan ability and willingness to project power abroad is filtered through a new, post- 18/5 prism.

3- What Kind of Force?

4- How Much Is Enough?
The experience of the past years has at least taught us how much is not enough.

5- The Costs
It would also cost a lot of money. Just how much depends not only on the number of troops but the nature of their equipment etc... and that's an equally important question to ponder.

If we can answer these five questions, still that big an increase cannot be achieved overnight. It will take many months, and many millions of dollars, to recruit, train and equip these men and women. Every 10 added will cost millions in annual upkeep, plus tens of billions in one-time recruitment and equipment expenses.
But all the needed money can be found by reordering priorities within the defense budget. Thanks to years of hefty budget increases, there is no shortage of defense dollars. They just need to go where the actual wars are. Contrary to most pre 18/5 predictions, Srilankan forces will now be engaged in nation-building operations.

A jump in the size of the Army should take place regardless of the end of war. In the post May 18th Sri Lanka, the Army must be prepared to deploy to multiple theaters, while still guarding against the rise of a strategic threat such as Diaspora. Quick military fixes are unlikely to work in Srilanka; as with the Army, it would be better to focus on fashioning a sustainable long-term strategy. One that will be the backbone of Srilanka as we march forward towards becoming a super power with nuclear capacity by 2030.

This is not my grandiose dream for I believe dreams are possible.

Now that this post is out, David Blacker might now write a special award winning post to discuss how General Fonseka should recruit his men.

But I will be watching David Blacker hosting THE BLACKLIGHT PIGEONS.

(PS: This is not a personal attack on any individual or a community. Opinions expressed are solely mine. This post is open for criticism. Thanks)

Dear someone special

2009-06-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

BE SURE TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE ON YOUR WAY UP FOR YOU ARE SURE TO MEET THEM ON YOUR WAY DOWN. - Grandma's Wisdom

Stop reading Rehani's Blog !

2009-06-15T13:47:00.000-07:00

Here is why !

You have not heard of Rehani Carimjee till a few days ago. You still do not know her personally. Never corresponded with her.

From whatever information you can gather through web searches, she appears to be an Ad and technology professional living in Colombo. You gather the impression that she is an introspective and perceptive individual with her own particular interests in life: Ads, web programming, computer software and tech gizmos.

And she is a blogger. That means that like most of you bloggers, she is a person with a full-time job and a family to look after, taking a free hour or two off her daily routine to verbalize on the net the stuff that she feels passionate about, putting her own resources, time and money into that effort.

Why does she blog? All of you bloggers know the answer to this one. Of course she writes to be read, to be appreciated, to be challenged, engaged, stimulated, to take a stand, to defend what she believes is good, and to oppose what she believes is evil. And of course, she writes to express her emotions, to bond with those who share her likes and dislikes, and to get off her chest matters that bother her a lot.

She may not be perfect, like none of you is either. Perhaps she doesn’t get her facts right at times. Perhaps on occasion she may appear to be driven by prejudice, or illogic or unreason.

She expresses her honest-to-goodness opinion, untainted. No hidden agendas, no devious games, no anonymous fuss, no hankering after Blogger of the year awards.

It is perhaps these very qualities of Rehani Carimjee — of your newbie blogger — that frightened the living daylights out off some extremists. Unnerved by her post here, some slapped her with hate comments. Mild hate comments have been posted whilst others have been moderated and withdrawn coz they are just sick.

Assume, for argument’s sake, that her posts are incorrect; that there indeed is no factual basis to the persistent rumours that Buddhist can eat meat. A liberal interpretation of Rehani's (supposedly factually baseless) blog post would then mean that she created it without intending malice, as a Srilankan pained by what she, like thousands of other Srilankans, think is inappropriate blatant belief.

In the light of this liberal interpretation of Rehani's criticism, then, EXTREMISTS have either the option of ignoring it , or of issuing their own response to it “setting the record straight”, as they no doubt would like to put it.

But, no. Politically correct Extremists wanted to silence Rehani through blatant threats and ill comments.

It stands to reason then that extremists don’t really respect people’s right to free speech. It treats critics as enemies, and goes all out to suppress their dissent, unabashedly taking advantage of:

a) the strength it enjoys as a big extremist, with its pool of ass kissing supporters
b) the weakness of individuals like Rehani, of most of us bloggers; our inability to cope with the emotional stress of unwanted online battles over issues not central to our lives
c) the sloth in our societal system

It is important to think of the consequences of letting trolls get away with tasting bloggers’ blood. Our writing is spontaneous, unburdened by undue self-awareness, and by the fear of consequences. That is the way it should be, as long as you truly are writing without malice, and are not lying to yourself about it. Indeed, I believe this ought to be the style of writing of “professional” journalists who write for big media houses too, except that they have the advantage of getting proof-read and vetted by legal before they get published. Bloggers don’t have that advantage. You are your own legal department, without any legal training.

True, bloggers have responsibilities too, and they must also apply discretion and sense of judgement. But the line between “applying discretion” and “applying internal censors” is thin. Now onwards, if ever you dare to write openly , I bet you’ll be looking over your shoulders constantly, afraid of getting a hate comment slapped on you. In short, your writing will not be your writing anymore.

So here’s what I suggest you extremist anonymous.

* Stop reading my blog, if you haven’t already. It’s a crappy blog anyway. Mediocre, theatrical, overly activist and tom boyish.
* Spread the word. Tell your mother and grandmother about Rehani, even if they are not in the habit of reading blogs.
* Try some meditation. That's good for your mind, body and soul.
* If all above didn't work, then try the obvious. Do a favour for mankind. Save Oxygen. Die !!!

Thank you.

Trolls - I hate dem

2009-06-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

So much obscene hate. Apparently, the hate-trolls are going freestyle now. They are on a fast gear competing with each other. I will not name the trolls and their anonymous counterparts coz they are obvious. Aren't they?

Seeing I'm just a newbie and haven't really said anything bad let alone controversial, why would anyone still want to leave hate comments on my blog? I don't post them usually. Its absolutely hilarious some of you lot think I'm NB or NB's female version on Kottu. God knows why. They are just your imagination and claims and claims with no concrete proof. This is all you could do? Is this all your potential? Sheesh....Shame on you troll. I shall not go into this coz I'm just sick of this matter. But thank god for Indi who sees the point and allows me to continue on Kottu. It does take some maturity to see the bigger picture and am glad Indi is one of those rare individuals blessed with abundance of common sense.

Anonymous comments totally irrelevant to my posts have left me, not shaken but determined. Have I offended anyone's sensitivities? How? When? Why? Where? Which way? I don't get it.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for the comments, Anonymous. You're welcome.

When I started to blog, it was not by accident. It was a calculated decision. Joining Kottu is a memorable moment in my blogging life as it gives me an established readership as long as I would know to make use of it with my good posts without offending others. I think that's the whole idea of a blogsphere like kottu. I want to be able to reach out to a wider audience through this medium some of whom will eventually become my good friends in real life hopefully. Only a matter of time. So be patient without jumping the gun, you will be sorry, not for me but your own stupidity.

Please anonymous would you kindly appreciate I'm here for the longer term and anything else is a distraction?

See that picture. Its Einstein saying some never learn. Please "Meya" don't waste oxygen. Die......

Respect Thy Soil

2009-05-29T15:08:00.000-07:00

Couldn't have said better. Just see this link here dudes.

Can we see it in Srilankan context with Srilankan national anthem? This is better than serving "Kiribath" and getting drunk on streets.

What say you kottu?

"Enlightenment can come only after humility" - Buddha

"The wise celebrate victory with humility" - Rehani Carimjee

Sri Lanka - 18th May 2009

2009-05-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

18th May, 2009.
Sri Lankan Government declared its victory over the rebel Tamil Tigers.

Amidst celebrations, it was our house-maid, Kamala, who came out with real words of wisdom.

She said "it is not nice to celebrate so much when so many people have died and been displaced in the road towards victory. People should also maintain five minutes of silence for all the lives lost in the process”

I couldn’t help but agree. But I liked this one better.

Twenty

2009-05-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

You ask on the years gone by,
and regrets that must have add.
Whether two decades have wearied me dry,
on the dreams I must have had.

As if birthdays were moments of reflection
for all one's work undone!
Never have I dwelt on past satisfaction -
I weary only for the times to come!!

So Pigs have wings ?

2009-05-22T06:41:00.000-07:00

Last time it was Bird Flu which , come to think of it, isn't such a big deal.
I mean, birds will be birds and they will fly.
And a good thing too; probably wouldn't have got Norwegian Wood if they didn't.

But swines ?

Chicago Wisdom

2009-05-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

Arrival at Chicago.

"Move on, move on. Dont stand there", said the black security official as we walked down the corridor leading to the immigration counter at Chicago airport. He was talking to a 70+ well suited and booted passanger who, like us, had alighted from the Emirates Flight.

The passanger stood his ground, looking back towards the aerobridge, and refused to move. Then security personnel walked towards him and repeated the command.

"I'm waiting for my wife", replied the irritated passanger.

"That's fine. But move on. Dont stand there. She'll find you'

The passanger was angry now. "How can she find me? She is not educated!".(I could have punched him on the nose for that loud declaration! Surely he owed something to his wife's image!)

The security personal laughed and told him: "Dont worry man. She doesn't need education to find you. Guess she's been you wife for a long time now?"

"I tell you she is not educated and - - -". He stopped when he heard some one call him from the front. All of us looked ahead towards the shrill, irritated voice and found an elderly woman, saree worn the Srilankan style, saying something rapidly and gesticulating to the husband.

"There she is" said the man, with Aarchmedean excitement and joy.

The security man laughed explosivley and said to me who was watching this short exchange: "I told you. you dont need education to find your husband. And look, no education and she is way ahead of him!!"

Guess basic instincts are stronger when not diluted by education!

Splash !!!

2009-05-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

As an 8 year old, I shrieked at Daddy's idea of sending us to Otters to learn swimming. "What are you saying? I am a big girl now.. Can't wear something skimpy as a swimsuit and go learn it with the guys! huff."

Now, at 20, I'm going to do just that, minus all that drama.

All of a sudden, I find myself worrying about a 101 things like
#what if I turn out to be hydrophobic or something!
#what if I drown in the pool and no-one realises it.

I'm contemplating on exchanging my black swimsuit to something more bright and visible, so that I'd be saved, just in case!

#will I puke if I see some gross looking big burly flabby man in a swimsuit? aargh!

Nonetheless, I'm all too excited about it, and boasting around that it was worth the wait to learn as I'd be learning from an Olympian, and all! :) He he Julian Bowling is my new coach.... Yay....

Me, my terms & my disclaimer

2009-05-22T04:58:00.000-07:00

Bonjour!
Welcome to my blog. Boy this is lame, isn't it? Too bad for you! I'm too young to care! I'm actually just a little kid. How little? Well I'm not telling. I'm that young. I believe in philosophy. I think it answers a lot of enigmatic questions about life and 'our lives' with simplicity. I am a writer by profession and passion. For a living I think and write ads for an ad agency. Have great interests and little accomplishments in performing arts. Music is my fuel and movies make the drive more enjoyable. My passion for eating (and cooking) and drinking (water that is) is never ending. Reading relaxes me and driving keeps me away from stress. And who doesn't like to travel? You know what would make me happy? A comment by you.

How I like you to comment ?

Please note that comments are moderated before they are posted on my blog. And I hold the sole right to publish or delete a comment that has been posted at my discretion. As an unbiased blog I would strive my best to publish your opinion as long as they comply with the basic requirement of intelligible English, constructiveness of the argument and does not fall into one or more of the following categories,

• Comments that contain anything which could be potentially libelous or defamatory.
• Comments that contain strong or foul language.
• Comments that contain any offensive slurs.
• Comments that contain religious or racial discrimination.
• Comments that are not related to the post that you are responding to.
• Comments that are of a vulgar or abusive nature.

All such comments will be deleted/ignored or modified.

Also kindly note that the views expressed herewith are the sole responsibility of the visitor who submits each one. I do not bare the responsibility of any comment posted on the site and hence because a comment is published it does not mean that I agree with it, endorse it, or believe it to be correct. Do use my blog forum to express your opinions and voice.

Disclaimer

I usually handle questions about Online Ads, Webmasters or SEO, so in those areas I’m more likely to make sense and less likely to say something stupid. If I post something here that you find helpful as you build or manage your web presence, that’s wonderful. But when push comes to shove: This is my personal blog. The views expressed on these pages are mine alone.

Just in case. If I say something stupid in the future, it’s better to be able to point out that the stupidity is mine, and mine alone. My stupidity! You can’t have it.