NOT the words of our enemies
BUT the silence of our friends......
Friends or So-called ?????
If the hat fits, Wear it !!
In the END...
You will remember
NOT the words of our enemies
BUT the silence of our friends......
Friends or So-called ?????
If the hat fits, Wear it !!
NOT the words of our enemies
BUT the silence of our friends......
Friends or So-called ?????
If the hat fits, Wear it !!
Orgasm - get horny
The National Health Service of Britain is on a sex education campaign promoting an orgasm a day. Their leaflet is advising school kids that they have a "right" to an enjoyable sex life and that regular intercourse can be good for their cardiovascular health. Yeah of course by all means. Why not ?
The slogan is a twisted version of "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is something like "an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away", it says: "Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?"
This basically encourages underage sex and teen Moms let alone sexually-transmitted diseases.
Aaaaaaawww..... UK is the place to be !!
Why did we gain Independence man ? Life would have been that much more fun with liberal ideas like this. Yes they would have ruled us, but some of our bed hopping teens would have enjoyed life.
The UK as we know is a mad house that houses many retards. But then, it takes an extra kind of retard to come up with campaigns of this nature.
Come think of it... I have only three words to tell these snobbish Brits.
"Don't be Assholes"
At Work
Corporate ladder, Rat race, Career Progression...
Fuck It. Screw it hard you fuckwit.
Just boils down to human jealousy.
Apparently my Co Workers.
Holy shit.
Fuckwits !
M R Killed M J - Defence Analyst Dirt Blacker says
IMPORTANT :
SECRET, PRIVATE, PERSONAL, INTIMATE, UNDISCLOSED, UNREVEALED, RESTRICTED, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, BETWEEN OURSELVES, IN CAMERA, OFF THE RECORD, CONFIDENTIAL AND HUSH HUSH.
FULL REPORT ON MJ'S DNA, FORENSIC AND 007 ANALYSIS BY FARTSPHERE ACCLAIMED DEFENCE GURU DIRT BLACKER.
Few days ago Michael Jackson died. Thanks to the wonder of Television (Dirt Blacker has Plasma LCD with BLURAY- limited military edition) Dirt Blacker was able to watch many tributes to him. Today Dirt Blacker notices that there is a full-scale international investigation headed by the media to find out how Michael Jackson died.
The media never left Michael alone when he was alive and they are still not leaving him alone once he's passed on into the afterlife.
So how did Michael Jackson die?
At this point I would like to issue a specially prepared statement verified by my Chief Public Relations Officer:
“I, Dirt Blacker had absolutely nothing to do in the matter of Michael Jackson’s demise. Any reports or rumors being harbored on the Fartsphere that I, Dirt Blacker killed Michael Jackson are completely and totally untrue. They are an attempt to malign my sexy wild cowboy defence analyst image and cause a Fartsphere crash”
Now why did I just say all this?
It’s because as an influential fart I get blamed for a lot of things. We live in a society of blamers. But thanks to statements verified by one’s Chief Public Relations Officer one’s blame can always be cleared.
Once the blame is cleared it is one’s duty to get back to being a member of society by placing the blame for a particular event by blaming someone else. This is exactly what I have done. The Fartsphere has blamed me for the death of Michael Jackson. Now that I have cleared my name by issuing a statement I shall place the blame on someone else.
Thus the cycle of blame continues and when the circle of blame comes full circle the Sri Lankan government can order an enquiry headed by someone. When that enquiry committee report comes out another new circle of blame begins which is almost always started by the opposition party.
So who killed Michael Jackson?
Fartsphere Police has conducted its preliminary investigation and revealed that the cause of MJ’s death is a fiendish creature called: MAHINDA.
The Fartsphere Police theory is based on the following considerations:
1- Mahinda considered Jackson an enemy because MJ liked to erect his statues but Mahinda is also obsessed with erecting statues. Both parties went to the same statue maker. MJ due to his celebritydom was always given the first preference which irritated Mahinda. He thus got rid of the competition by attacking MJ.
2- Mahinda still blames MJ for stealing his dance moves and hand gimmicks.
Since MJ is a foreign national who is not a parliamentarian in Sri Lanka, he cannot be transferred thus he can only be eliminated.
3- Mahinda was angry and jealous MJ was trying to imitate him thus causing much embarrassment to him. Mahinda had Patented this unique style of greeting that was known as "Ayubowan" to himself. MJ didn't pay the royalty fee due to Mahinda. So Mahinda ordered to kill MJ. Mahinda is said to be upset MJ's last will makes no reference to the 500 Million Dollars due to him in royalty debts.
4- Mahinda lost big time to MJ when they both had participated in "Whose hands are longer" waving competition. Mahinda was holding a grudge he couldn't beat MJ's classic finger gestures.
These are just a few reasons why Mahinda killed Michael Jackson according to Fartsphere Police. I, Dirt Blacker your self appointed self professed defence analyst do hereby certify these initial findings to be factually untrue and politically correct.
If you live in a world inhabited by Dirt Blacker, Fartsphere Police, terrorists, recession, depression, crime and poverty. You are indeed better off dead than alive.
RIP MJ.
(PS : No Prejudice intended to any individuals whether dead or alive)
SECRET, PRIVATE, PERSONAL, INTIMATE, UNDISCLOSED, UNREVEALED, RESTRICTED, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, BETWEEN OURSELVES, IN CAMERA, OFF THE RECORD, CONFIDENTIAL AND HUSH HUSH.
FULL REPORT ON MJ'S DNA, FORENSIC AND 007 ANALYSIS BY FARTSPHERE ACCLAIMED DEFENCE GURU DIRT BLACKER.
Few days ago Michael Jackson died. Thanks to the wonder of Television (Dirt Blacker has Plasma LCD with BLURAY- limited military edition) Dirt Blacker was able to watch many tributes to him. Today Dirt Blacker notices that there is a full-scale international investigation headed by the media to find out how Michael Jackson died.
The media never left Michael alone when he was alive and they are still not leaving him alone once he's passed on into the afterlife.
So how did Michael Jackson die?
At this point I would like to issue a specially prepared statement verified by my Chief Public Relations Officer:
“I, Dirt Blacker had absolutely nothing to do in the matter of Michael Jackson’s demise. Any reports or rumors being harbored on the Fartsphere that I, Dirt Blacker killed Michael Jackson are completely and totally untrue. They are an attempt to malign my sexy wild cowboy defence analyst image and cause a Fartsphere crash”
Now why did I just say all this?
It’s because as an influential fart I get blamed for a lot of things. We live in a society of blamers. But thanks to statements verified by one’s Chief Public Relations Officer one’s blame can always be cleared.
Once the blame is cleared it is one’s duty to get back to being a member of society by placing the blame for a particular event by blaming someone else. This is exactly what I have done. The Fartsphere has blamed me for the death of Michael Jackson. Now that I have cleared my name by issuing a statement I shall place the blame on someone else.
Thus the cycle of blame continues and when the circle of blame comes full circle the Sri Lankan government can order an enquiry headed by someone. When that enquiry committee report comes out another new circle of blame begins which is almost always started by the opposition party.
So who killed Michael Jackson?
Fartsphere Police has conducted its preliminary investigation and revealed that the cause of MJ’s death is a fiendish creature called: MAHINDA.
The Fartsphere Police theory is based on the following considerations:
1- Mahinda considered Jackson an enemy because MJ liked to erect his statues but Mahinda is also obsessed with erecting statues. Both parties went to the same statue maker. MJ due to his celebritydom was always given the first preference which irritated Mahinda. He thus got rid of the competition by attacking MJ.
2- Mahinda still blames MJ for stealing his dance moves and hand gimmicks.
Since MJ is a foreign national who is not a parliamentarian in Sri Lanka, he cannot be transferred thus he can only be eliminated.
3- Mahinda was angry and jealous MJ was trying to imitate him thus causing much embarrassment to him. Mahinda had Patented this unique style of greeting that was known as "Ayubowan" to himself. MJ didn't pay the royalty fee due to Mahinda. So Mahinda ordered to kill MJ. Mahinda is said to be upset MJ's last will makes no reference to the 500 Million Dollars due to him in royalty debts.
4- Mahinda lost big time to MJ when they both had participated in "Whose hands are longer" waving competition. Mahinda was holding a grudge he couldn't beat MJ's classic finger gestures.
These are just a few reasons why Mahinda killed Michael Jackson according to Fartsphere Police. I, Dirt Blacker your self appointed self professed defence analyst do hereby certify these initial findings to be factually untrue and politically correct.
If you live in a world inhabited by Dirt Blacker, Fartsphere Police, terrorists, recession, depression, crime and poverty. You are indeed better off dead than alive.
RIP MJ.
(PS : No Prejudice intended to any individuals whether dead or alive)
Sri Lanka – Small Miracle - BIG BLUNDER?
DISCLAIMER : Please do not read if your upstair department has only limited capacity.
What do we mean by place branding/nation branding? Is it tourism marketing?
I don't want to nag, but let me stress that Place Branding is not a marketing or communications discipline. It's not about how places or countries promote or 'sell' themselves. It's not about slogans, stupid logos, PR campaigns or other forms of advertising. It's not tourism promotion. It's not government spin or propaganda.
Place Branding simply recognizes that, in the modern world, the reputations of places are incredibly important to their prosperity and progress. Places with powerful and positive reputations find that all their transactions (including inbound tourism) with other places are relatively easy and productive, while places with weak or negative reputations find that everything is relatively difficult.
In other words, places, just like companies, have brand images, and those brand images are crucial to their performance. This is where the term 'place brand' comes from.
What proper place branding doesn't claim and never has is that countries can improve or enhance their reputations in the same way that companies can. You can sell a product or a service with advertising campaigns, but places aren't products.
Most places have, over many years, acquired a certain image because of the things they have done, the things they have made, the way they have made or done these things, or perhaps because of the things they haven't done or made. This gradually creates a very stable, very deeply rooted set of beliefs or prejudices about the kind of country it is.
And you simply can't change that fixed belief by buying advertising space and arguing with people about your image, or contradicting what they already believe. People know what that is: it's called cheap propaganda, and it doesn't work any more.
A reputation cannot be constructed. It can only be earned.
That said; let us now analyze the stupidity of some of our Administrators and Admen. Shall we?
So place branding is a strategic, policy-making approach, designed to help places build on the strengths that will earn them a better reputation. It takes time, commitment, imagination, leadership and energy. It takes close coordination between government, companies and civil society: because all three are co-owners and co-managers of their nation's reputation.
Each country in the world has its own unique characteristics. For instance America means good life and prosperity, China stands for inspiration and change, Whilst Somalia may well be associated with poverty, we the islanders just can’t get rid of our obsession with Stupidity so much so some of us are known as Silly Lankans and quite rightly so.
There is much hype about this Small Miracle. WTF?
What exactly is this small miracle or small pickle supposed to do?
Small is essentially beautiful. Is that it? Small means niche. Is that it? If Srilanka were a small miracle, then ideally you would be pitching it against up-market celebrity tourists who have other choices like Caribbean for instance.
We are essentially targeting the traditional back packer German Pedophiles and snobbish Brit Papas living on social security. In other words, we are a mass market “Laabai Laabai menna badu” taking advantage of off-season promotional tickets by airlines, group discounts and last minute cheap deals. Isn’t that our reality?
The term “SMALL” is essentially associated with up-market goods & services. Rolls Royce cannot be marketed as mass-market car nor can Maruti become a status symbol.
You are either Class or Mass. There is no such thing as Classy Mass, essentially the positioning our (In) capable Admen are trying to arrive at. To give an example, you are either male or female. Mix the two; the resultant hybrid variety will look like our Literati wannabe resident Milley Cyrus specimen in a Barefoot sarong and Odel bikini. So electrifying is the hybrid portrait appeal that you wanna puke all at once. Sigh.. (Pun intended).
Small Miracle with an average night spend of 35 dollars? You wanna call your stupidity value for money offer? Oh..Please.. I don’t think you are fooling anyone here. Hope I have made it clear. There is a fundamental contradiction with Small Miracle positioning. Its like Rolls Royce going cheap at “Whatever I can get” price coz I am desperate to fill my rooms and achieve a decent occupancy rate.
If you thought this blunder stops there, NO… “I am determined to screw everything” is the attitude of our policy makers and their Advertising counterparts.
To begin with, there is no such thing as Tourism Marketing. Nowhere in the sophisticated world would you hear that anymore. Developed countries have moved on having done away with this concept. It’s rather archaic to focus on tourism alone anymore. I would argue for an INTEGRATED Country Marketing, where tourism could be a small or major part in it.
Having a positive image can make a world of difference to a country, just as it does for companies and their products. Places can’t construct or manipulate their images with advertising or PR, slogans or logos such as this.
If you thought the logo was a small miracle that happened, well some hot shot big shot creative genie found a bright idea. He/ She/ It stole an already available logo, worked around the fonts and typography to arrive at that ORIGINAL classic master piece of a logo. You can see His/ Her/ It's source of inspiration below.
Pussy !! But I'm sure they will justify it saying "We needed consistency. So we stole"
But Hey its not a big sin Yeah. All is fair in Advertising. Steal & Modify. That's creativity, the Phoenix style.
Whilst videos such as this are a treat to watch, they don't make miracles happen. And although some governments spend large amounts of money trying to do just that, there is absolutely no proof that it works.
Places can only change their images by changing the way they behave.
The only sure way places can change their images is by changing the way they behave: they need to focus on the things they make and do, not the things they say. It calls for an integrated approach where all four elements come together.
1- Foreign policies
2- Tourism
3- Foreign investment
4- Exports & International trade
This could be through carefully chosen
International cultural, sporting and political events,
Improved cultural and academic relations with other countries,
Strategic commitment to international development and poverty reduction,
Productive engagement with multilateral institutions,
Regional organizations and with NGOs at home and abroad,
Effective coordination between government, industry and civil society,
Enhanced public and private diplomacy overseas,
A visionary long-term approach to innovation, investment and education. And many more related activities.
American success can be attributed to Abraham Lincoln and many of its legendary brands like Coke or Levis. They all contributed to making Brand America what it is today.
An average backpacker sex tourist to Thambapani island arrives onboard Sri Lankan airlines, drinks Ceylon tea, reads Serendib magazine, changes currency at Seylan bank, dances to the calypso of Tabrobane band and thank God he is not exposed to Eeelam though he might be exposed to Peoples Republic of Mihin sometime soon…
Can you see our confusion here? So many names for an island so small? Nowhere have I seen a country being called by this many names. We got all our basics screwed from names, to positioning to our offer and appeal.
Country marketing also depends on country leadership. So which candidate will be better for ‘Brand Sri Lanka’? Nothing very scientific here, I'm afraid: but in my opinion it's Brand Mahinda, without a doubt. This has relatively little to do with whether someone won the war or lost, green or blue, little to do with our politics, and quite a bit to do with how masculine or feminine each is. Mahinda has, I hope he will excuse me saying so, some interestingly feminine qualities (he gives the impression of being caring, culturally sensitive, gentle and considerate) despite the odd scary scary moustache, he also appears driven, forceful and pretty aggressive. It’s a good blend though he is no personal favorite of mine.
If I were to handle this, I would first define a country marketing plan involving BOI, Immigration department, Tourism board, EDB, Foreign ministry, our diplomatic missions abroad, Ports authority, Airports etc… Current stand alone small miracle operating in silos will only prove costly and detrimental to long term strategic growth.
But then numbers do matter to Srilankans. We want 2.5 Million tourist arrivals be they first class, third class that’s still class coz they are all white skinned. How stupid?
What we ideally need is a Country-marketing agency than a tourism-marketing agency. We are so obsessed with micro managing and big volumes, that we forget our priorities. Its quality Vs quantity end of the day.
If you are saying we have moved away from traditional markets of Germany and the UK and have now added India and China, you might wanna know immigration department recently estimated a 20,000 Indians overstaying in the country working in hotels and factories competing with Srilankans adding to unemployment. Many Chinese come here to operate brothels. All these so-called tourists came as tourists to SL. Such is the irony of tourism in SL.
So gullible are we?
As for Small Miracle, what can I say? Well done Irvin & the clan, you got your pockets filled. You indeed needed that big miracle in your small wonder agency.
Trying to revamp, rejuvenate tourism with small miracles?
Dream on, as they say in fools’ paradise that is Sri Lanka !
If YOU are an UGLY CROW, then THANK GOD for it.
Yes..... Don't challenge God with cosmetic surgeries, fairness creams, bleaching and all the weird stuff you do to make your (so called) ugly self look a little cuter.
If you are dark skinned, you are lucky. CELEBRATE IT girl. Don't be ashamed. You are dark coz God created you dark. Grandma's wisdom says God knows what's best for you.
Well...... If you aren't convinced,
The British tabloid The Sun claims it has some disturbing details about Michael Jackson's autopsy report.
It says:
- There was no food in the pop star's stomach, only pills were found.
- The pop star was bald and bruised.
- There were four needle wounds near his heart.
- His ribs were broken by CPR.
- He weighed just about 50 kilos, which is underweight for his 5 feet 11 inch frame.
- Michael was a virtual skeleton.
- His hips, thighs and shoulders were full of needle wounds, which is believed to be the result of injections of narcotic painkillers.
- There were also numerous surgery scars, which is thought to be the legacy of at least 13 cosmetic operations.
If you are on a diet, then you are a loser. EAT, EAT, EAT...... God will look after your shape. Remember those who don't have a meal and those who go to sleep without a meal. Why Diet when God has given you a good meal ? EAT while you are alive for you never know if you will be alive for your next meal. So EAT you idiot.
Celebrate your LOOKS. You are beautiful in your own way, God never discriminates. He created all of us beautiful, subtly and radically............ :P
If you are dark skinned, you are lucky. CELEBRATE IT girl. Don't be ashamed. You are dark coz God created you dark. Grandma's wisdom says God knows what's best for you.
Well...... If you aren't convinced,
The British tabloid The Sun claims it has some disturbing details about Michael Jackson's autopsy report.
It says:
- There was no food in the pop star's stomach, only pills were found.
- The pop star was bald and bruised.
- There were four needle wounds near his heart.
- His ribs were broken by CPR.
- He weighed just about 50 kilos, which is underweight for his 5 feet 11 inch frame.
- Michael was a virtual skeleton.
- His hips, thighs and shoulders were full of needle wounds, which is believed to be the result of injections of narcotic painkillers.
- There were also numerous surgery scars, which is thought to be the legacy of at least 13 cosmetic operations.
If you are on a diet, then you are a loser. EAT, EAT, EAT...... God will look after your shape. Remember those who don't have a meal and those who go to sleep without a meal. Why Diet when God has given you a good meal ? EAT while you are alive for you never know if you will be alive for your next meal. So EAT you idiot.
Celebrate your LOOKS. You are beautiful in your own way, God never discriminates. He created all of us beautiful, subtly and radically............ :P
Ass kissing is big business GLOBALLY
Haaaaaaaaa... Yeah You Ass kissers all around, next time someone calls you one, well he is only telling the truth but then you have an excuse here.
You scratch mine and I'll scratch yours really ?????????
I like Kottu for the simple reason it has given me access to a somewhat established readership but often times i wonder why many a bloggers tend to kiss each other's ass. OK that's nice one may argue and it probably is. I don't know coz i'm yet to do this but i don't mind ass kissing coz its still better than trolling. In that context a little bit of ass kissing isn't a bad idea at all, but the problem though is when we tend to over do that. Some even act like couples in a romeo Juliet intimate scene. Funny but true !!!
Recently i found this soul that admits its kind of lost do some kissing here but see how this not so healthy guy first promises to scratch in return and finds the time to fulfill his divine duty here in a spectacular way.
Wow... Some kids never grow up i tell you !!! Free show and good entertainment indeed.
But then hey don't worry ya.... Ass kissing is a global phenomenon.
Now go kiss someone else's ass. I'm happy kissing mine :P
On a serious note, CAN ASS KISSING BE THE WAY FORWARD TO ACHIEVING GLOBAL PEACE ? Surely when we kiss with so much passion and a sense of duty and responsibility like lost soul and disease, we won't have time to think of wars and nuclear weapons ya?
What say you ?
(PS: No offence intended. Just wanted to say it in a funny way)
Anti Kottu Blogger is ALIVE
Whilst many of us happily subscribe to the school of thought that says "Do in Rome as the Romans do" , some of us, the rare gems amongst us would still prefer to challenge the status quo. They are the so-called traitors but i would prefer to call them Non-Mainstream actors. Pardon me if my philosophy sucks.
Some of us do choose to be different and it does take a lot of courage, maturity, sense in upstairs department and most of all the nerve. The nerve.
I found one such blogger here. A Sri Lankan blogger who says Kottu is for main streamers. Have a look at it. Not that I'm on a campaign against Kottu, but i just love this guy's nerve. Can we not learn a lesson from this guy? It is to do with one's own self-confidence i guess. In a world where everyone is concerned about their blog hits and Google analytics, i found this blogger worthy of many things.
Girigoris......... You simply rock !
Some of us do choose to be different and it does take a lot of courage, maturity, sense in upstairs department and most of all the nerve. The nerve.
I found one such blogger here. A Sri Lankan blogger who says Kottu is for main streamers. Have a look at it. Not that I'm on a campaign against Kottu, but i just love this guy's nerve. Can we not learn a lesson from this guy? It is to do with one's own self-confidence i guess. In a world where everyone is concerned about their blog hits and Google analytics, i found this blogger worthy of many things.
Girigoris......... You simply rock !
Psychiatrists as Paramedics
Yup.
Psychiatrists as Paramedics !!
That's about the only solution i could think of given the exponential increase of members in the "PSYCHOPATH" community.
I was just thinking what if Blogger, Word press, Type pad and other blogging platforms had different keys or buttons or whatever one may wanna call it that read something like
"I'm paranoid. Need psychiatric care"
"I am unable to vent out. Need a psychiatrist urgently"
"I have written an ill post, need to have it approved by my Psychiatrist"
Endless possibilities ???
Come to think of it, there exists a GAP and a NEED for this. Isn't it so?
Paramedic help is needed for some of us. Let's face it. Going by some posts and comments i can comfortably come to the conclusion that Psychiatrists as Paramedics is the only way forward.
Now suppose, all blogs had this option, what would then happen?
Surely Kottu would be a nice place, a place where there is peace, a place free of weeds and psychopath characters whose only intention online is to ANNOY others for no valid reason except their psychological disorders that make them behave in a particular way that makes others feel sorry for the person concerned and say "Damn..God help this character. He is a human too. Save him in the name of humanity"
I was just looking for solutions to control ill comments and this was all i could come up with. Yeah.. "Consult Psychiatrist" key just before "Publish Post" and "Publish Comment" keys.
What say you?
Psychiatrists as Paramedics !!
That's about the only solution i could think of given the exponential increase of members in the "PSYCHOPATH" community.
I was just thinking what if Blogger, Word press, Type pad and other blogging platforms had different keys or buttons or whatever one may wanna call it that read something like
"I'm paranoid. Need psychiatric care"
"I am unable to vent out. Need a psychiatrist urgently"
"I have written an ill post, need to have it approved by my Psychiatrist"
Endless possibilities ???
Come to think of it, there exists a GAP and a NEED for this. Isn't it so?
Paramedic help is needed for some of us. Let's face it. Going by some posts and comments i can comfortably come to the conclusion that Psychiatrists as Paramedics is the only way forward.
Now suppose, all blogs had this option, what would then happen?
Surely Kottu would be a nice place, a place where there is peace, a place free of weeds and psychopath characters whose only intention online is to ANNOY others for no valid reason except their psychological disorders that make them behave in a particular way that makes others feel sorry for the person concerned and say "Damn..God help this character. He is a human too. Save him in the name of humanity"
I was just looking for solutions to control ill comments and this was all i could come up with. Yeah.. "Consult Psychiatrist" key just before "Publish Post" and "Publish Comment" keys.
What say you?
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